What do men need what do women need
What do men need what do women need, why are
boys not growing up; why relationships / marriages fail and the consequences’
of unfulfilled expectations.
Men need respect. Women need love. Where there is no respect, there will eventually be no love.
If a man has respect he will be able to show love and acts of kindness; sometimes it may not be in ways that the “norms” of society can sometime comprehend.
Was home for Christmas many years back, there was a man sitting in mom’s living room whom I had never seen before or since. He could not assimilate back into society, the “norms” of society will never understand, for his story is that while captured in Vietnam he had intentionally killed a fellow American soldier. While what he did was an act of kindness, many in judgmental rectitude will never forgive.
Did he lie to me, I doubt it. He was a person who needed to tell his story without being condemned.
The two had been captured and placed in a bamboo cage high off the ground. Both made it to the ground but the other man broke his ankle and would not be able to run. Both were well aware of the situation they were in and knew that recapture would be followed by a tortuous death, the man with the broken ankle asked his friend to kill him and his friend, the man sitting in the living-room complied.
Knew that mom wouldn’t condemn, had been around long enough myself to know that sometimes people have to make a decision even when all the choices are bad, but the forth person in the room could not understand (many in judgmental rectitude will never get it).
What is right, what is wrong; moral rectitude be damned, War is Hell (Mercy killing? Iraq) all I know is many others have been placed in much worse situations then I have ever had to deal with, sometimes there is no good answer.
The majority of arguments, fights and
killings happen because of a lack of respect, actual or perceived. Most men do
not need love, love is an emotion for most men that is wanted, it is nice when
there is love in our lives. The action men need / crave is respect.
When men devolve into an animalistic state it requires tremendous expenditures to restore them to being beneficial members of society because when there is a lack of, or just out and out total disrespect men will revert to revenge which leads to tyranny, thereby forcing other to fight or live in fear.
The majority of the school shootings, if not all of the school shootings can be traced back to disrespect (bulling) real or perceived.
The majority of failed relationships / marriages can also be traced back to disrespect, real or perceived.
If a man has respect before he devolves into a tyrannical state he is capable of fulfilling the woman’s need for love, but if there is no respect, unfortunately revenge / fear becomes the fall-back position.
Most, if not all gang affiliations are because of and for respect and self-preservation issues’.
The question that begs to be answered is why?
Was at a church service and the
preacher was in essence telling men to man up, and I wholly concur that there
is a problem in this nation with the state of many men but look at the examples
that are put forth on television and also in business. Often, way to often, he
who lies and cheats the most is propelled into leadership positions. The
actions can clearly show lying and cheating but the caricature looks good and
talks a good game.
So why should a guy “man up”?
In a man’s world the words and actions have to match. When there is no consistency between the words and actions it is the actions that are looked at and judged.
Men will make decisions with limited information and make course corrections to achieve the results; sometimes the course correction requires the ability to stop if headed in the wrong direction, turn around and try again. I am willing to admit this is not always the best action to take but sometimes decisions need to be made and sometimes not all the information is available.
To many times women want so much information that inaction becomes their fall back position, women want to talk it through ask the “why” question and expect an answer; to many times there is no definitive correct answer, trial and error with course corrections are necessary to move forward.
Of course the man that makes mistakes in his actions will be browbeat by society (old saying; one oh shit erases a hundred good deeds).
"Girls wear makeup because they know that boys
fall in love with what they see. Boys lie because they know that girls fall in
love with what they hear."
Women are wordy creatures, and to many times women accept the words of the slick talking caricature of a man whether the actions match the words or not, the words were spoken (and numerous times with great conviction) but the actions did not follow.
I rarely watch TV, stopped when too often women were being portrayed as sluts, bitches, cunts, and whores; men were being portrayed slovenly, inept and with no self-control. Sadly society was decided to live down to those expectations.
Women need / crave love but to often have a difficult time respecting men, often women have, just as men have, bought into the caricature that is portrayed on television, and also, often men have not grown up but instead remained boys, that is what TV teaches; I want it and I want it now (no sacrifice, no self-control [MTV, BET]). Boys have to be taught to be men and that has to be done by men or they will forever remain boys.
It is impossible to respect someone that is viewed as an immature bumbling idiot, just as it is impossible to love someone that is viewed as a screaming controlling bitch.
Men will never be able to make the right choice 100% of the time (it is an incredible day when 75% can be achieved) and sometimes women will have to forgive or at least try to understand; lack of forgiveness or understanding leads to lack of respect.
There is an old saying people will either work together or fall separately.
Unless there are health issues, generally when a woman cuts a man off for a week or more contempt, scorn and / or manipulation are at play. Obviously there is already a lack of respect on your part toward that man. Unless escape from the relationship is the desired effect; utilizing sex as a weapon to emasculate a man might seem like a good idea at the time, in the long run the effects on your relationship will be disastrous. When you are upset which you obviously are, it would help if you let the guy know what you’re upset about.
Companionship is the glue that binds relationships, be it gangs, unions, political parties, fraternities, clubs, scouting, sports, churches and when it works right marriage; “Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
That being said most women enjoy dancing, (Dancing With the Stars--big hit) going out. If you were in the military they teach you how to shoot a gun, throw a grenade, drive trucks and tanks; you might want to consider turning off the television and take some dance lessons, simple country dancing is based off 2 steps; quick, quick, slow, slow; no rocket science here guys.
Until we find our way back to respect for men and love for women and compassion/companionship for both it will be difficult to move forward.
Neither side is perfect and rarely is either
side the caricature portrayed through the media.
When people live with criticism,