Mix a bit of humor with wisdom to break those summer blahs

By Dale Turner July 31,1999 Seattle Times columnist

  Summertime  more time for some proverbs, poems and bits of humor from my collection. I hope one or more will be interesting  or perhaps even useful.

   Best vitamin for making friends: B1.

   Happiness is when the slip of paper under the windshield wiper of your car turns out to be an advertisement.

   There is nothing like sealing a letter to inspire a fresh thought.

   If you're giving while you're living, you'll be knowing where it's going.

   When you look for the good in others, you discover the best in yourself.

   Middle age is when your knees buckle but your belt doesn't.

   Everything has been figured out but how to live.

   After 60 we still have as much on the ball, but it is harder to get the ball rolling.

   Everyone wants to live for a long time, but no one wants to be old.

   "A man does not quit playing because he grows old. He grows old because he quits playing."   Plato

   After 60 everything begins to wear out, fall out or spread out.

   If your eyes and your ears are not what they were There's consolation appearing. Today there are a growing number of things That are not worth seeing or hearing.

   By the time we know our way around, we don't feel like going.

   If you look like your passport photo, you need the trip.

   Rule for travel: half the clothes, twice the money.

   Hospital insurance is like a hospital gown. You only think you are covered.

   An apology is a good way to have the last word.

   If the mind should go blank, don't forget to turn off the sound.

   If you have never been amazed by the very fact that you exist, you are missing the greatest fact of all.

   Those who make no errors never play much ball.

   I often pause and wonder at fate's peculiar ways, For nearly all our famous men were born on holidays.

   The only thing that sits its way to success is a hen.

   A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks.

   When you feel like criticizing your children, remember who raised them.

   "The central purpose of each life is to dilute the misery in the world."   Albert Schweitzer

   We should always keep in mind that cutting remarks have a way of leaving a scar.

   Never marry the wrong guy, because it is tough enough with the right one.

   Watch out for schoolchildren   especially when they are driving

   Toddler: "Nobody knows the trouble I've been."

   The Bible is not a rule book, but a road map.

   A saint is one through whom the light does shine.

   Marriage is an unusual gamble, both parties win or nobody does.

   A little kindness from person to person is better than a vast love for all humankind.

   "Civilization begins on the day that national leaders attach as much importance to the next generation as they do to the next election."  Norman Cousins

   The faith that moves moun­tains always carries a pick.

   "The next best thing to know­ing something is knowing where to find it."   Samuel Johnson

   The more you own, the more you have to worry about.

   The trouble with being phys­ically fit is that you are apt to wear yourself out trying to stay that way.

   Admitting error clears the score and proves us wiser than before.

   "As long as there are postmen, life will have zest."   William James

   "The good life is one inspired by love and guided by knowledge."   Bertrand Russell

   Commandment No. 1 of any civilized society: Let people be different.

   I have learned to seek my happiness by limiting my desires rather than attempting to satisfy them."   John Stuart Mills

   If you burn the candle at both ends, you may not be as bright as you think.

   A clear conscience is a soft pillow.

   The time to relax is when you don't have time for it.

   The secret of success is to find a need and fill it.

   Tomorrow soon will be today; the wise will make their plans that way.

   Oh Lord, help my words be gracious and tender, for tomorrow I may have to eat them.

   Many speakers need no intro­ductions. What they need are conclusions.

   I don't want a lot on money; I'd be satisfied, I vow If I could but afford to live the way I'm living now.

   Dear Lord, prop us up in all our leaning ways.

   It is as important to acknowl­edge a favor as it is to bestow one,

   Most domestic quarrels could be checked by a timely use of arms.

   The movie was so poor it is hard to believe it was released. It must have escaped.

   A lot of people who complain about their boss being dumb would be out of a job if he were smarter.

   Because I managed to sit down, I think I'm young and supple But what will show me that I'm not is getting up'll. So I think I'll just stay seated for this week and wish you more Of the beautiful summer days we have been having.